3 weeks later

I woke up this morning and weighed myself and the scale read 170. Yes! 6 pounds down, just 10 more to go. I've really been watching my portion sizes, with the exception of 2 nights ago when I made a mean lean lasagna and ate until I was full.  I'm trying to keep my calories to around 1800 a day, and it's not super easy to keep track. I mostly just eat healthy stuff and try my best not to snack. I had drill weekend and I ate well the whole time, less my cheat meal of chicken quesadilla and 2 margaritas. I didn't have any chips and salsa with it, so I saved myself at least 600 calories right there. I work all weekend so I'm shooting for 169 when I weigh myself on Tuesday morning.

2 Weeks Later

Progress! I weighed myself yesterday morning and this morning and I weighed 172 both times. I'm down' 4 lbs in 2 weeks. I've been very sick for the past week so all the weight loss is from eating much less. I've been very fond of soup lately. I bet there's a bit of muscle loss in it too. It's been 9 days since I've lifted weights. But I'm happy to report that my abs are starting to make a small appearance, and I can wear my jeans properly again without the tightness around the belly. Have you ever seen one of those 5 lb fat balls? It's really remarkable how much fat is in 5 lbs. I'm close to 171. I bet I'll be there by Monday as long as I continue to control my portions and watch my fats.

1 week later

I weighed myself again yesterday after breakfast and drinking water with some light clothing on and the scale said 176. I may have lost a pound this past week but I can't tell. I haven't eaten any junk food in a week, and I've been keeping full by having protein shakes at work, which also curb my desire for sweets. I haven't been able to work out much except for walking the past few days because I'm so tired. I'm still on nights for now and it's been so busy. I was called in last night and I'm sure I'll be called in tonight. I pretty much hate call. I like pitching in when everyone else is working hard too but we have bare bones night staff and that's one of the reasons I get called in so much. Oh well, at least I have a job.
I began my last semester towards my BSN this week. I just checked out my syllabi and it looks like I'm in for a busy semester. I'm just eager to graduate. I began hitting this path hard when I was 23. I'm 28 now and ready to be done. It will have taken me 5.5 years to achieve my BSN. Not the longest route in history but longer than the norm. I've managed to come out of it without any student loans! Haha beat that anyone. Ok, I'm off to bed now. I'm probably waking up at 2am to go to work.

Sleepy

This title has been the story of my life for the last week. And you can add Cranky to it. I'm just about to go to bed after yet another busy night at work and I am very happy at the willpower I am getting back. Last night I didn't eat one item of junk food. I watched coworkers snack on candy and crackers with the fake cheese dip, and I maintained control while sipping a delicious water bottle of Lemonade Crystal Light. I'm not going to weigh myself before bed, but if I can keep this up, which is my intention and purpose of this whole blogging thing, then I'll hit the scales soon and I should expect to see a little change.

Day 2

I weighed myself today when I woke up. I still weigh 176 lbs. I did not expect to lose weight in 1 day, I'm just getting used to stepping on that scale that I dread so much. How is it that a plastic object with magnets make me anxious? Oh I know how: I let the number define my self-worth. To get out of that mind-set I will be weighing myself when I don't need to, I just need to desensitize myself a bit to it.  

I got called in to work last night. I resisted the Doritos that we keep in the galley that I've gotten all too accustomed to munching on without thought or care.  I kept the junk out of my mouth all day yesterday. I did have a glass of wine when I got home this morning to unwind before I went to bed. It was really wonderful to have while watching Grey's.  This is all beside the point. The point is that working nights is a real hinderence to my health. I have poor sleep, low energy, and no solid sleep/wake cycle. I have to sleep when I'm tired, which is simultaneously always and never. I'm really looking forward to being done with work in May so I can feel like a human again.

Day 1 Pics and Bod Pod results.

This morning I woke up bright and early and had a morning with Michael. He took my Day 1 fitness pictures for me. A little later this morning I will be going to the base fitness center for the Bod Pod (nervous stomach).

I honestly don't think I look bad, just chubby. I've been lifting since last May and I've gained at least 6 lbs from muscle. I wish I could credit all of the weight gain to muscle, but I would be lying to myself and that's the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish. The areas I would like to shrink most are my arms, abs, back, and thighs.  Bod Pod results as follows:

Weight: 176 lbs   % Fat: 30.1    %Free Mass: 69.1   Fat Mass: 53.189lbs   Fat Free Mass: 123.24    

23%-30% scores in the Moderately Lean category, so I'm barely making it! The results come as no surprise to me, I know I need to slim down. I followed the Bod Pod with 45 minutes on the eliptical and got good and sweaty, then did a good ab workout with crunches and planks, then stretching. The muscle is there, the drive to workout is there, I just need to control what I eat. I used to analyze everything in front of me before I ate it, then I just quit doing it one day and before I knew it my size 10 jeans are getting tight on me.  Well no more, I've got 16lbs of fat to lose by 1 May, and I know I can do it. 

Owning up

I have a fear of stepping on the scale. I hate my weight, always have. When I was in grade school I was very tall and skinny. Every year in gym class each student would take the state fitness test, which included being weighed. I would always weight about 20-30 lbs more than most girls my age, and always had 5-7 inches of height on them. I started getting teased about my weight at a very young age, even though you couldn't pinch a bit of fat off of me. My obsession with my weight began when I was in 5th grade, and progressed through high school where I developed very unhealthy habits that took me years to get over. I avoid scales because they make me feel bad about myself, and other than my weight I really like the person I've become.
This blog is for me to take possession and responsibility of my current weight, and stop letting that scale make me feel like I'm less of a person. My goal weight for 1 May 2012 is 160 lbs. My current weight as of  2 January is 178 lbs. At 5'11'' that makes my BMI 24.9, just under overweight. I am going to lose 18 lbs by making healthier food and drink choices and by adjusting my exercise routines.  This blog will allow me to open up about my weight issues and keep me motivated and accountable.